Looking for Myself and Finding You
by novembershowers
Summary: After the pool incident when Jan Di was trying to bring back Jun Pyo's memory. Jun Pyo failed to remember Jan Di and it was Ji Hoo who rescued her. Jan Di's near-death experience transformed her outlook in life.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **

_I've always had this fanfic in my head of portraying Ga Eul as a good girl/country bumpkin gone bad as she has the looks, allure and the personality for it (or the actress, Kim So-Eun, who portrayed her did) and I have read my share of fanfic that explored this story and I am sure there were countless fanfic writers who have written this but I have yet to read those stories._

_But what if Jan Di has this OOC transformation of a good girl gone carefree? Jan Di has such a strong personality when protecting other people but very shy and vulnerable, when it comes to herself. What if she goes a little selfish? Where and how would the story go?_

_So that is the little nugget of an idea that I want to be explored in my story. This story will be OOC for both Jan Di and Ji Hoo but I do try to make it as close to their characters in BOF. The story is AU because, in my imagination, it should have been natural that Ji Hoo saved Jan Di in the pool._

_And I love to write them in sexy love scenes so I may have gone overboard in my narrative. So I wrote a Lemon early in the story, so it is rated M (not yet in this chapter, though)._

x0x0x0x0x0x0

**DISCLAIMER:** The Hana Yori Dango/Boys Over Flowers is from the Japanese shojo manga by Yoko Kamio. The Boys Over Flowers South Korean TV series is written by Yoon Ji-Ryun, produced by Group 8 and broadcasted by Korean Broadcasting System. I do not own the characters or the original plotline.

This story though is a product of my imagination and are my words, based on the beloved characters. This endeavor is not for monetary gain but is borne out of love for Jan Di and Ji Hoo, whom I would love to end with a happy ending in the series.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

**CHAPTER 1**

**POOL**

Jan Di POV

The weightlessness of my body and the serenity at the bottom of the pool created a peaceful cocoon from the outside world with its constant hurts, tears, and disappointments. I wondered if I still wanted to resurface back and saw in my mind's eye the pain it will cause my parents, my brother, my friends, and if his memory gets back, Jun Pyo. I marveled at how the F4 wormed their way into my heart and occupy an important part of my life now.

I feel my heart getting heavier as the seconds pass and Jun Pyo still has not rescued me. Will my death be worth the sacrifice for him to get his memory back and remember me?

Then, I saw another face, one that has been always there for me. I know he will take my death hard because he cared for me, Ji Hoo Sunbae, my honorary firefighter. Will he still hear the alarm, now that I feel like giving up?

I felt myself floating outside my body and a montage of memories of what has transpired in my life flashed rapidly - my crazy, loving parents, Kang San's birth, Ga Eul in kinder, the porridge shop and Master, my rescue of Lee Min Ha, Shinwha High School, meeting the F4, Namsan Tower, New Caledonia, the roadside kiss, our promises, Madam Kang, heartbreak in Macau, Jae Kyung Unnie, and Yu Mi and the other dizzying display of memories chokes me, because a lot of them are of Jun Pyo, the man who forgot me.

At one spectrum though, I fondly watch as memories with Sunbae flashed, the good, the bad and the sad - the woods where I first met him, Seo Hyun Unnie, our kiss in New Caledonia, Macau, our special space at the stairwell, my last swim and the awarding ceremony, toasting on my new-found dream to be a doctor, playing the piano with him, volunteer work at the clinic, reuniting him with Grandpa, him cutting my hair, us washing his car, then at the fishing village when he declared he cannot live without me, why does my mind linger to memories with him now that I'm near knocking on heaven's door?

As I struggle between wakefulness and my doom, I felt frantic hands circling my waist and dragging me up but the darkness has already enveloped my senses.

**Ji Hoo POV**

When I heard the splash, I hurried over to where Jun Pyo is, while he bewilderingly stared at the pool. I willed him to rescue the love of my life. It pains me to not rescue her myself, but this is what she would have wanted to trigger his memory. I know she is waiting for Jun Pyo because he rescued her in the resort. Jan Di told me Jun Pyo has learned how to swim. But will he be able to snap out of it in time before it's too late for Jan Di?

As the seconds drag on, my instincts took over. The alarm bell which has been ringing loud in my heart has grown frantic and I could no longer wait. I kicked off my shoes and dove into the pool to reach Jan Di. I dragged her to the edge of the pool, anxious as I feel her lifeless body.

I performed CPR while breathing on her mouth. My fears intensifying as I surveyed her pale face, her lips turning bluish. I shouted for someone to call EMT, called the heavens to bring back the girl who has my heart.

I was begging Jan Di to get back, to breath, to return to me as I repeatedly performed CPR and breath to her mouth, mindful of the minutes that pass and knowing each second count. Telling her I love her and to fight and be alive, not caring as my tears freely flowed.

**Jan Di POV**

I woke up with a tightness in my chest. Coughing and sputtering water and my lungs burning, I opened my eyes to the worried face of my Sunbae. He heard my alarm! I smiled weakly but I could not mask the disappointment in my eyes. At least I am alive; I really thought I have gone on and would have welcomed the serenity I felt below but I cannot make my loved ones suffer by giving up my life.

I closed my eyes and felt Ji Hoo's arms enveloping me with his warmth. We just sat there, waiting. I laid my head over his chest, over his racing heart and felt peace. I know I will always feel safe and secured while I am within his arms.

The EMT arrived and checked on me, Woo Bin took over, answering some of the questions. I just nod and say so little when asked. Ji Hoo won't agree to take me to the hospital through the waiting ambulance, Woo Bin has to take over assuring them that Ji Hoo will take responsibility for me and assuring Grandfather is a doctor who can look over my welfare.

Ji Hoo still held me, we were given blankets to keep us warm and advise to change from our wet clothes. I was getting tired that I fell asleep, still hugging Sunbae.

**Woo Bin POV**

I shook my head in astonishment at the events that have transpired. The announcement of Yu Mi that she and Jun Pyo will be leaving for the US. Jan Di falling over the pool with Ji Hoo rescuing her. Then, the usually stoic Ji Hoo begging Jan Di to live, his emotions in full display.

I called the EMT then took charge answering their questions, as Ji Hoo was preoccupied taking care of Jan Di. As it is, Ji Hoo won't relinquish his hold over Jan Di. I had to assure the EMT that Ji Hoo is capable of caring for our friend and that his grandfather is a doctor for them to release Jan Di over to him.

While everyone is fussing around, I found the necklace Jun Pyo gave Jan Di. I pocketed it and decided to return it to her afterward.

I need a long, hard drink after all this drama, looking over at Yi Joung and giving a signal to meet me at the club.

**Jun Pyo POV**

I watched as my usual stoic best friend rescued that girl who tried to give me a necklace, insistent for me to call her name and who willingly fell over the pool.

Why does she think that I can swim and that I will rescue her? Didn't she know of my kidnapping incident? I was surprised at Ji Hoo's rare public display of emotion which proves that girl is his girlfriend. But then, why is she so persistent that she is my girlfriend?

Yu Mi took my hand and implored that we leave. So we left when the EMT arrived.

While in the car, Yu Mi kept the conversation going about our impending trip to the US. I remained quiet while I thought about the incident. Though I know Ji Hoo has rescued the girl and she had recovered, why does my heart feel so desolate all of the sudden?

**Jan Di POV**

I got startled into wakefulness still in the arms of Ji Hoo, shivering as I am still in my wet, gauzy pink dress. Ji Hoo tightened his hold, arranging the blanket on my shoulder to envelop me with warmth. My throat is dry so I inquired with my eyes where we were. Sunbae's eyes are still etched with worry and he remained silent while watching me. I broke our stares and noticed the luxurious interiors and noted I am inside his car.

The car stopped. Ji Hoo did not relinquish his hold of me as he tried to get off the car, discovering belatedly and to my chagrin, I am actually sitting on his lap. I wiggled my body so I that I can stand when we alighted. Ji Hoo held on and scooped me up despite my feeble protest and we went inside his home.

**Ji Hoo POV**

I remembered that Grandfather is not at home this evening. But no matter, I'll have a doctor over if needed. I cannot let go of Jan Di tonight. I know I am being irrational. I need to be assured she is alright but with me at her side as I nearly lost her.

I carried her inside my room, carefully watching over and assisting. I gave her a pair of my pajamas, then let her go to take a shower and change. I am feeling the adrenaline that keeps me slowly draining away. I went to the other bathroom to hurriedly shower and change myself. Then stood guard in the bedroom to wait for Jan Di.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0

A/N

**Acknowledgment**

I would like to acknowledge Mandy (JHsgf82), Nerwen, akuryo, cutestuff024 and countless JanHoo writers who have written fanfics before me. They certainly kept my interest alive and have cultivated my love for JanHoo. Special shoutout to Mandy who chats with me and encouraged me to write.

I am not a writer in the strict definition of the word but I write these from the heart.

I hope I get JanHoo fans happy with this story. Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N_

_Thank you to the following for following this story, followed me as an author, favorited this story or me as an author and for the reviews: Brii d'khj, angee818323, NekkoLover, Yannie Lie, JHsgf82, akuryo, Diana Milena Herrera Diaz, Brii d'khj, pnwer, Dizzie123321, littl3cuti3101, Grammey, and NerwenT._

_You should know that you are the reasons why I am continuing this story despite all my apprehensions. Hope you enjoy the story as I enjoy thinking about it. I know how frustrating it is to read a story and it's not completed!_

_All these because of my continuous love for JanHoo, BOF, and HYD. KHJ is also hot._

**UPDATES as of April 15, 2019**: I have watched the Taiwanese, Korean and Japanese BOF/HYD TV series (and movie for the Japanese version) and I am trying to fit watching the Chinese BOF in my schedule. I have also read the HYD manga and have been reading fanfics for both HYD and BOF. I am a late bloomer when it comes to the manga and the TV series and I am saddened that most fanfics for HYD that I read have not been updated. I do not wish for the same fate with my story but I had been putting it off because I am quite not sure how to approach the cultural aspect of the characters and their school/environment since I am not Korean. I am very concerned with how to portray them close to their culture and their TV characters. But then, I realized I won't be able to write and share my story if I continue to be held back by my apprehensions so, I apologize for any mistakes and please excuse them as part of the creative license of the story.

I have written these in February but because of my apprehensions, I just decided to publish them today. In order to appease my readers, I am publishing two chapters today and hopefully another chapter next week.

**DISCLAIMER:** The Hana Yori Dango/Boys Over Flowers is from the Japanese shojo manga by Yoko Kamio. The Boys Over Flowers South Korean TV series is written by Yoon Ji-ryun, produced by Group 8 and broadcasted by Korean Broadcasting System. I do not own the characters or the original plotline.

This story though is a product of my imagination and are my words, based on the beloved characters. This endeavor is not for monetary gain but is borne out of love for Jan Di and Ji Hoo, whom I would love to end with a happy ending in the series.

xoxoxo

**Chapter 2**

**EPIPHANY**

**Jan Di POV**

I stepped into the steaming hot shower to dissipate the chill I've been feeling. I was still shaken, so near the clutches of death in less than an hour ago. If my Firefighter has not saved me in time, then my life would have ceased. I would have left the world and yet, Jun Pyo still has no recollection of me.

My tears began to fall in earnest, tears of sadness over Jun Pyo. After I cast my last card in my fight for our love, I felt it is time for me to move on. I refused to be continuously set aside and stepped on by him, his mother or Yu Mi. I have fought a valiant fight for our love but now I am putting an end to it. This will be my last tears for him, I vowed. With all that has happened, I even have let go and lost the necklace I've retrieved from the bottom of the pool. I do not know where it is now.

Ji Hoo Sunbae has saved me again. I know he loves me, he said he cannot live without me when he offered me his grandmother and mother's ring. I love him too but not the kind of love he would have wanted it to be. Unfortunately, my heart belongs to Jun Pyo even when it hurts. And now, even when I am grateful for my life, I cannot think of him that way, much too soon after Jun Pyo. He deserves so much better, in fact, the best in the world. Ji Hoo, being so kind, so caring and so selfless should be with someone like his first love, Min Seo Hyun, someone who is smart, beautiful and kind. She has been my idol, I am not worthy to hold a candle to her beauty and grace. Ji Hoo deserves her or someone in her league.

I cried fresh tears because it has become clearer now. Fate deemed that my relationship with Jun Pyo is never meant to be and as for my Firefighter and my angel on this earth, Ji Hoo deserves the best woman in the world like Seo Hyun.

My heart has been through a lot and I felt it is time to safeguard it for now. I need to heal. I have to be selfish for its sake. I will be closing my heart until I am ready to love again.

I will be focusing on my life. I have been given a second chance. I refuse to be a burden to the F4 any longer especially Ji Hoo. I need to put distance between them and me. Jun Pyo is their leader while I have been so reliant to Ji Hoo to always be there for me. Woo Bin is like my dependable and playful brother while Yi Joung is my charming, concerned brother. My best friend, Ga Eul, is obviously smitten with Yi Joung so although it will be hard for me, I need to distance myself from her as well, just for the meantime. I had to, because I may not be that strong to resist being with them and if that happens, then I will still try to be with Jun Pyo and still be reliant on Ji Hoo.

I need to distance myself from them because of all the drama in our lives. I am grateful for all I have experienced and our friendship, but my heart and my soul is battle-worn. I thought being cut off from their lives already happened when I came to live in the fishing village but Sunbae found me. I do not know how he did it. I was grateful but embarrassed when he saved me and my family. Yet, the destitution of my parents would not have happened that devastatingly if not for Jun Pyo's mother. I felt we are in a constant loop and I need to get free.

The entangled web of our lives would not have happened if I was not there to accidentally save Lee Min Ha from his suicide, or I had not transferred to Shinwha, or if I kept quiet as Oh Min Ji dealt with Jun Pyo with the spilled ice cream on his shoes, then I would not have... oh, but that would not have been me. Another incident may put me in Jun Pyo's path. I can be infuriatingly stubborn for my own good.

I closed the shower and stepped off to dry. Then I changed into Ji Hoo's pajama but being petite, it's just felt so big for me, his shirt fell halfway down my thighs. I rolled the sleeves to free my hands. The pants could not hold onto my waist as it continues to slide down halfway my hips, plus the bottom is so long. I decided not to wear those pants. I had no change of underwear, so I had to wash and then dry my panties using the hairdryer.

I dried my hair and I looked into the mirror and cringed at the sight. My eyes were all red and puffy and I am still so pale. I pinch my cheeks to put some color. I looked like a mess.

I recalled the images that came to me during the seconds between two worlds, the people and events that have shaped my young life. A lot of those were memories just from the past several months with Ji Hoo, Jun Pyo, and F4. My life has become so exciting with them in it.

Then, realizing the magnitude of what has happened, I could not stop as my tears begin to fall again. This time, I am crying with sadness as I will miss the F4, Ga Eul and Grandfather once I cut them off my life.

I heard Ji Hoo knocking, asking if I'm ok and if it is alright for him to enter. And finding the door unlocked, he tentatively opens the door.

I was a blubbering mess when he saw me, crying and leaning by the mirror. Ji Hoo came by my side and held me, then led me out of the bathroom and sat me by the bed, holding me close as I trembled and cried on his chest. He was rubbing my arms and my back, stroking my hair and singing to me softly to help calm me until there are no more tears to cry. I quieted down with a new awareness.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N_

_I am writing a lemon for the first time, so please be warned and be kind. I try to write them in character and I apologize if I could not capture it that well._

**CHAPTER 3**

**PHYSICAL AFFIRMATION**

**Ji Hoo POV**

I ease my hold when I feel Jan Di winding down after crying so much. My heart is breaking as I feel her pain. Now that she has stopped crying, I looked at the beautiful and vulnerable girl on my arms, stroking her tear-lined cheeks softly with my fingers. I carried her to my bed so she can rest, easing her between the sheets.

I noticed she did not wear the pajama bottoms. Did she forget to put it on while she was crying? I made a move to go and retrieve it when she held tightly on my hand, bringing my arms towards her chest, trapping it with her other hand. I laid down on my side on top of the sheets. She laid on her right side, facing me while still holding on. Jan Di's proximity is giving me an awareness that I do not welcome tonight. I can feel the softness of her breasts on my trapped arm, held tight by her hands. She is not wearing a bra underneath her shirt. As she moves even nearer, the movement made my arm graze her hardening peaks. I slowly released my breath to ease the increasing tension in my body. I tug on my hands, easing from her chest slowly, my palm accidentally grazing her nipple through her shirt. I feel perspiration breaking on my temples.

Jan Di has closed the distance and has turned her face on my chest, nuzzling with her cheeks. Her left arms embracing me.

"Please don't go, Ji Hoo, I feel so cold." she pleads softly echoing my own pleas a long time ago in New Caledonia when Jan Di comforted me.

I was startled when I heard her call my name for the first time without honorifics.

"I'll never leave you, Otter, I will be here for as long as you want me."

I lifted the sheets underneath me and eased myself beside her, gathering her into my arms, aware that I am putting myself in a very precarious position. She is half lying on my chest, still nuzzling her cheeks on my shoulder and chest, her eyes closed. Small bursts of warm air from her mouth are fanning my overheating skin. Her lips are starting to give small kisses on my jaw, while her left leg is thrown over my legs. Her bare thighs giving more ammunition to my growing erection.

I try to hold on to being a gentleman, trying to ease Jan Di off me while still maintaining a hold on her with some space. I need to physically distance myself from her as I need to be the rational one between us but it is getting difficult. Her gentle kisses, her soft skin, her curves, and her natural perfume inflaming me more and more.

While I hovered over her to ease my arms, she opened her eyes and looked at me directly. I lost myself in her chocolate depths, made clearer by the tears she shed earlier.

"I need you, Ji Hoo, I thought I will die tonight, I felt so alone. Please hold me." she murmured.

Did I hear that right? I wondered, Jan Di is usually reserved and shy. She has a hard time expressing her feelings except when she is angry at some injustice.

"Jan Di, what you're asking me, are you sure?"

"I need you tonight, Ji Hoo," she repeated, "Please hold me."

"We may end up..." I could not voice it out. I want to hold her and be with her but I can barely control myself. This is the hardest thing Jan Di is asking me. I may not be able to stop.

I looked at her, she is still watching me with her clear eyes, rimmed red with her recent crying, pupils darkening by emotions. Those eyes are the death of whatever moral dilemma I was wrestling with.

She squeezed my upper arms that she's holding then snaked her hands on my neck and moving up while lowering my head to meet her lips to kiss me.

I feel her lips insistent upon my own. I am getting enveloped by her sweet scent. I responded in kind, deepening our kiss. The heady sensation and the growing desire are not helping my situation.

Breathless, I put my forehead on hers, thinking, 'I am kissing Jan Di'. The night certainly took a strange turn, I thought of what Jan Di has been through tonight. She must have been exhausted emotionally and physically. It seems strange that from pining for Jun Pyo just a few hours ago, she is now in my arms.

"I want you tonight, Ji Hoo, I need your warmth. I need you to hold me, " she whispered fervently.

To hell with it, I thought. Jan Di is calling my name! She wants me! I did not understand how it ended up this way, but I will no longer question this miracle. I love Jan Di and even when lust and longing have unfurled on my belly, I won't do anything that will make her regret or put the special relationship we share in jeopardy.

I softly kissed her lips again, but passion and want have taken hold of my senses as I deepen my kisses, demanding entrance to her mouth and battling with her tongue and grazing her lower lips, rendering both of us breathless. I continue my assault to her lips and tongue, then nipping and kissing her jaw, ears, and neck, while my hands caress her back and curves, feeling her soft skin breaking goosebumps. My tongue going on a rampage as I lick and taste Jan Di's skin, and delighting her pulse points that had grown erratic as our bodies heat up.

I have taken hold of the pajama top she's wearing and ease it off her head in one go, making her naked upon my gaze except for her tiny panties. I viewed with awe at her perfection. Her white, creamy skin in contrast to the beige and brown bedsheets, her full breasts highlighted by pink nipples that have hardened into tiny nubs. Her cute belly button against her flat stomach, her long and muscular legs and the promise of more heat at the apex of her thighs.

I marveled at Jan Di's boldness. She did not resist when I took hold of her shirt. She has met my eyes and held my gaze as I blatantly looked at her body and she did not try to cover up even while her chest, neck, cheeks, and ears have reddened by her blush.

I lowered myself to her neck and shoulders, caressing and kissing inches of her skin. My hands have worked its way to her breasts, feeling their softness and fullness while being amazed at how they fit my palms. I lowered my head, my lips on her chest, I kissed on her right breast and then I lapped and suck on her nipples, while my fingers caress her other breast. Jan Di arched her body at my touch. Her moans and whimpers, music to my ears.

**Jan Di POV**

When Ji Hoo sucked on my nipples, a strange sensation shuddered my body, fire racing from my breast straight to my vagina. I am imploring for something I don't know and don't understand, my moans so loud in my ears.

Instinct has taken hold of me since Ji Hoo caressed my arms and back earlier while comforting me. All of a sudden, I have an awareness of my body. The continuous rubbing of my back and arms may be meant to give me comfort but my heightened senses made me hyper-aware at the intensifying heat of my body and longing for more. When he carried me to bed, I felt a heaviness in my nether area and my panties have grown wet as his hands held my bare thighs. I did not want him to leave me, prompting me to hold on his hand and bring it to my chest.

I felt my body drawn to his heat, as I still feel so cold. I do not know if its because my near-death experience, but I have grown bold, I got past my reservations as I try to get myself closer to him, giving him small kisses in his jaw and neck and feeling my nipples hardening and my core aching. I felt his hardening erection against me.

I did not shy away from voicing what I want. This is something I never did before. I have always been hesitant in asking what I want and need. I try to avoid asking for anything from my parents or my friends which I know frustrates the F4, but now I demanded.

I did feel that I am taking advantage of Ji Hoo when I asked him to love me tonight. I am aware why I am doing this and it's because I need a physical manifestation of being alive. True, Ji Hoo is a very attractive man, he was my first crush after all and though I try not to see him as a man and only as a friend due to my loyalty with Jun Pyo, there were moments when we are alone when I still find him desirable. When he collapsed into me after walking under the rain and I took care of him, I could not help but gaze into him and caress his face. I love Ji Hoo as a special friend but tonight is not about being together as a physical manifestation of love between two persons; tonight it is about an affirmation of me being alive.

I feel Ji Hoo's hands moving south, caressing my belly then easing his fingers inside my panties. I felt his fingers stroking my opening and finding the nub that heightened my fire, leaving me panting. While his hot mouth is on my nipples and his thumb on my nub, drawing small circles, another finger is on my core, stroking and intensifying everything.

I let my instincts take over as my trembling hands tried to undo the buttons of his shirt and stroking his chest as his shirt open, feeling his nipples on my palms, his heartbeat incessantly beating upon my hand. This is the first time I have been naked and openly caressing a man. Ji Hoo helped me take his shirt off, then I let my hands descend to his hard abs. I caress and kiss the expanse of his chest, as he continues to make me squirm. I lowered my hands and felt his hardness against his pajama pants. Ji Hoo released a moan at my caresses.

"Am I doing it right, Ji Hoo?" I whispered.

He looked at me with darkened eyes and groan his response. His fingers continue to explore the center of my heat while his other hand caresses my breast, my waist or my back. I tightened my hold on him through his pants while my breaths are coming out in gasps.

My mind flew and I feel my body trembling. Ji Hoo kissed me again then descended on my stomach, kissing my tummy, dipping his tongue on my belly button. I could no longer control the trembling of my thighs while his hands caress the length of it, especially into the inner softness between my legs. He went down, taking off my panties and kissed my mound, drawing the nub out with his mouth. I may have released a strangled cry.

"Ji Hoo, Ji Hoo, please, aahhh," I plead, for what I do not know. My hands on his shoulders and back, digging and scratching. But the heat is building up and trying to find release, I could not stop trembling and tingling all over.

Ji Hoo inserted one finger to my core, stretching me, while he continuously sucks on my nub, my juices flowing. My hands moved to his hair, stroking its soft strands. Then he added another finger, curling to rub inside while his tongue stroked and sucks until I feel myself screaming as I reached my orgasm, feeling the tingling sensation, my toes curling. He continues lapping on my juices, and kiss until I somehow ceased trembling.

Ji Hoo came up and hugged me then kissed me and I can taste myself from his lips. He drew a ragged breath and then laid down next to me, trying to put distance between us, he told me we need to stop as he does not have protection. He laid back, closed his eyes, drawing deep breaths. I looked at him with concern, I can sense his body does not want to stop. He is trying his best to control himself.

And I do not want it to end that way. With a sense of purpose and just going by instincts because of my lack of experience, I got up and hover at his prone form. I sat on his stomach and caress his chest.

"Jan Di-yah..." he drew a ragged breath, "We cannot go on."

I looked upon his face, his eyes still closed. I can feel his tension and rigidness.

"I don't want you to stop," I said. "Please Ji Hoo, I know this is difficult for you. I want you to find your release too. I'll deal with the consequences."

I lowered my body to his chest and kissed his lips. Imitating how he tries to open my lips to deepen our kiss, nibbling on his lower lips. I opened my eyes and saw looked into his darkened irises, while my hands caress his chest and shoulders.

Ji Hoo looked at me with naked desire. His hands went to my breasts, caressing, weighing them with his palms and twisting my nipples while watching me. I bit my lips while reigning my trembles, looking at him with equal desire. I closed my eyes, panting, to feel more of the havoc he is wrecking my body.

"Jan Di, it's not just you but us, we will both deal with the consequences," he said. I opened my eyes when he spoke, he sat up while holding me, then he flipped me over the bed, laid me down as I feel his lips once again on my nipples. Feeling again the fire that connects my nipples to my core. I whimpered as his teeth graze my nipples and the underside of my breast.

"Ji Hoo, aahhhh, please."

"I can never say no to you, Otter."

Ji Hoo stood up and freed his pajama pants and boxers. I looked at him, so magnificently handsome and when I lowered my eyes, I feel my cheeks burning while watching him in all his naked glory.

I know about sex from sex ed classes since middle school and I have seen my fair share of male bodies in various state of undress, being a swimmer. But this is the first time I saw a naked and virile body, the first time I see Ji Hoo as a man and I swallowed, my throat dry... I wondered, how will that fit me as he's so huge, while I am small?

My trepidation may have shown in my eyes, as Ji Hoo smiled his wonderful, angelic smile that never fails to melt me. He approached me, lying down next to me, his eyes never breaking contact and his fingers, caressing my cheeks and my face.

"Are you sure you want to go on? You can say no."

"Yes," I croaked, "Will you fit me? Won't it be uncomfortable for you?"

Ji Hoo laughed at my surprise.

"Oh, Otter, my sweet, innocent Jan Di. It will never be uncomfortable for me. But it may for you as it's your first time, and you'll feel a bit of pain."

"I know. But..."

"You're still doing it, you're thinking of my comfort, not yours."

I stopped. Yes, I am thinking about him and his comfort.

"Have you... ummm"

Ji Hoo smiled, "If you're asking if I had sexual relations before, yes, but only with one woman. That is why there are no condoms in this house."

I blushed and yet, I am glad to know Ji Hoo is so loyal. He'll be a great partner to someone really special, I thought. Suddenly, I feel guilty about taking advantage of him.

"Am I taking advantage of you when I asked you to... ummm, hold me, then I kissed you?" I tried to stop my blush from creeping my cheeks but I felt its heat.

Ji Hoo looked at me in astonishment. "You're asking me if you're taking advantage of me?" he kissed my lips softly, then my cheeks, then my jaw, then back to my lips while looking deep into my eyes. "You're giving me a gift, Jan Di-yah. A gift that I feel I may not be worthy of as its tremendously special. Are you doing this because I saved you? You don't need to, you know. I will save you anytime, anywhere for eternity if you need me without compensation."

"I did not mean for it like that, Ji Hoo, I am extremely grateful for you saving my life. I cannot repay you enough and I did not go into this with that in mind. I just want to feel warm. I am honestly feeling so cold inside."

"Do you still feel cold?" I shook my head no.

Ji Hoo leaned to me and whisper on my ears."You're so beautiful, Jan Di-yah, I want to kiss your lips forever, if you let me. Your skin is so soft, I cannot keep myself from touching you."

He has yet to touch me and I just let his seductive voice wash over me and yet, I can feel my body responding with warmth and my vagina getting wet.

Ji Hoo caressed my back and then my tummy moving slowly up to cup my breast. "See how your breast fits into my hand, Jan Di-yah," he continues to whisper while his tongue caresses the shell of my ear and his hand caresses my breast.

I looked at him with eyes heavy with desire, "Ji Hoo-yah"

"Say my name again, Jan Di" while his lips and tongue dipped into my neck.

"Ji Hoo, Ji Hoo, Ji Hoo" I chant his name while moaning, my skin breaking goosebumps and I feel the heavy longing between my thighs.

He continues to whisper sweet nothings, caressing me all over and kissing me until I felt myself exploding with want.

When his fingers got into my core, he whispered, "I love how wet you are for me, Jan Di-yah, I could never resist the sweetness of your juices"

I felt him opening my thighs wider, his fingers caressing me. He hovers above me, easing his way forward. He slowly got inside me, felt the resistance which stilled him from proceeding. He adjusted himself and tried another angle, I held my breath as we both adjusted. I bit my lips as he entered me, feeling a pinch of pain but I looked into his eyes and nod for him to proceed. I felt him fully enter slowly, letting me adjust to his width and length and take him fully inside me, marveling at the feeling of fullness. The brief pain is now just an ache. I move with him as he adjusts inside me, the movement drawing moans and gasps. His hardness being enveloped by my wet and trembling flesh is amazing. I feel him move and we both try to find our rhythm.

I was told for someone of my size, I have a big voice. And I think my moans, gasps, and whimpers may have wakened the neighbors if Ji Hoo's house is near one, so loud was it in my ears. I was trembling for my release once again, my whole body tingling. I feel my flesh trembling and squeezing his length tightly, holding on. Ji Hoo managed to capture my lips for a searing kiss, his tongue evasive and entwining with mine and his hands squeezing my breasts while my hands held him tightly by the shoulder, the pressure making me bite his flesh and scratch his shoulders and back rather aggressively. I scream while my mind flew and I went over the edge.

Ji Hoo's release came soon after. His seed spilling over, its warmth making me squeeze him harder and getting my insides tingle and tremble again, giving me another orgasm that night.

Afterwards, I fell into a deep sleep, as exhaustion finally enveloping me in its arms.

**Ji Hoo POV**

When my fingers felt Jan Di's liquid heat, I know I am a goner. I have dreamed and fantasized about this and now, I am here.

I gaze upon her beauty, the way her eyes convey her desire, her lips, her skin, her breasts, her core, her moans, her aroma, and my name, it is my name that she called in her needs and wants. I am in love with Jan Di and now, I want everything about her. From our one kiss in New Caledonia to jumping into this banquet, I want to kiss her endlessly and explore her body, I vowed that I will never let her go.

After I claim Jan Di's first orgasm, I know I have to stop. Being loyal to Seo Hyun and then to Jan Di, I did not have any condoms at home. It took a lot to move away from her while my body is demanding its release. I cannot think of anything to dissipate the tension when I can smell Jan Di and taste her nectar on my tongue.

When Jan Di closed the gap and sat on my stomach, whatever control I try to maintain is gone. Looking at her in all her magnificence, feeling her juices dripping. I cannot help but claim her breasts again while watching her reaction.

Knowing Jan Di is a virgin, I feel jubilant that I am her first though I am apprehensive as I do not want to hurt her and I want to make her first time special.

When we made love, Jan Di's gasps and moans are drawing me closer. I felt I could no longer contain it. She let out a scream as her orgasm took hold. I rock on, knowing my release is imminent. Then while I made my release to her warm core, her inner muscles squeezed me tighter and Jan Di had another orgasm. Making me marvel how responsive she is and how perfectly we fit together.

Bodies tangled and enveloped with a sheen of sweat, I hold Jan Di as I descended from the pleasure palace of my mind. I found Jan Di asleep. After her ordeal in the pool, I am amazed that she has lasted this long. I waited as my heartbeat normalize, then I arranged Jan Di into a comfortable position in bed, drawing her near me and succumbing to sleep myself.


End file.
